By Woody Stanfield
Guys, we oftentimes think about feminist theory like any other theory. It is usually a concept that we first heard about around our college campuses or in internet circles. So we think about it and critique it like we would any other theory and we measure the values of feminist arguments based off critical-thinking skills we learned in class. But this is not what feminism means to women today, and it is not where it came from.
Just because there are Gender and Women’s Studies courses, does not mean that feminist theory is the same type of study as political science. Feminist theory is an activist theory that is about identifying the flaws in our society and devising approaches to best reach equality. For us, it is easy to disengage and think about feminism as if it is just another school of thought. But women actually experience this everyday and they don’t have that luxury. And so we need to stop that mentality entirely. If you find yourself approaching conversations about women’s equality the same way you would an argument about economics or public policy, start thinking about it differently.
What this disparity means is that in these conversations that we have with women, we are often missing the entire point of why they are talking. I think the most clear example of this is with men who dominate group conversations. We all know the guy who speaks over people and cuts everyone off. And yes, he does this to everybody, but if you counted the instances up, he cuts off women far more often. This is the same person that always talks about how he “respects everyone’s opinions” and that he only talks to people this way that he respects. I have been guilty of this mentality in the past if not the intensity of many that I have seen.
What does that phrase “respect everyone’s opinions” really mean and how does it actually manifest in conversation? When a person says that they respect everyone’s opinions, they are saying that they will hear any argument and measure it on its merit. But that almost always means that the argument is being measured against the rubric that person has devised. When this man talks with women about feminist theory, he is approaching it as if the conversation is a debate and the merits of feminism are at the whim of who can out talk the other person. And he is going to make sure that he out talks them. This is not our movement, and we do not get to establish the rubric.
So there are a few things we can do to hold each other accountable when we see this happening. Inside of the conversation, we can reposition things by just saying, “Let her finish her point” which usually does the trick. But if someone is particularly adamant about his approach, we need to start having these conversations one-on-one outside of these group circles. We need to be far more comfortable calling each other out for these things. And that is hard. We need to be actively talking to each other about our missteps, and it is difficult to deal out that type of criticism and it is difficult to receive it. But it is a part of our role in supporting women’s issues.
The truth is that when we view things this way, we are not receptive to women’s critiques of us. We view their opinions as attacks and turn defensive instead of reflective. So as much as I will say we need to stop being defensive and start listening to women when they tell us these things, I will say we need to step in and hold each other accountable too. We do not get to keep saying that we support women’s issues unless we actually take action to make sure we are not being the problem.